Such beauty is tiring and trying, so warming there is concern of burning out before greater awareness can evolve. Even Joy seems aghast at the hidden wonder about to unfold.
For the infirm that cannot control their body temperature, such revelations are frightening and establishing some distance is the only sensible option. The awareness of lack of control and the fear of being overpowered is prominent, yet acknowledging my weakness frees me from the guilt that I should do better; that I should cope with a joy I recognise but am unable to embrace.
So comes sadness in that I cannot have that which seems here for me but out of reach and turn my sadness upon itself and am sad that I am sad.
I wish neither to consume, nor be consumed by love, but to have my love consumed, and in the emptiness that prevails dwells the wonder where weariness has vanished, long gone this stifled love afraid to be free.
Demand of me until I die
then demand of thee
demand nought but emptiness to be
and if truth should woo you to embrace
know all is truly lies.
If I place my hand in the fire do I complain that I have been burnt by the fire?
If I travel to a foreign land and I am not accepted, do I blame the residents?
For within my fear and loss lies the pain, not in fire, nor friend or foe.
The prospect of pleasure and gain in every way binds me to a life of consumption and death. As I expect death, should I not then be prepare to be consumed?
But I find I am unprepared for death as also for killing.
It is not the death that I shy from but the thoughts of what I have done
when in the last moments I will unable to distract myself
through wanton consumption
I am suspicious by nature, wanting to understand. I get it that Perma-culture is mean to be a better type of agriculture in that is is supposed to be permanent, sustainable. That it includes not just agriculture but the lifestyle of the workers. Yet it all seems to organised, too controlling; there's even a book on basic principles, like a bible - enough said.
The first major conflict I had was with a friend Ian, who debated the sustainability of vegan agriculture; especially so if it not be organic. What I did like about Ian was his desire to do things himself, but now that meant killing a pig for a house-mate, to show he could and it fitted the permaculture plan of using animals in close proximity.
The second run in, some 20 years later was with new neighbours. I first met him, where he donned the permaculture garb, I said little. But some days letter I mete him and her, far more attractive so I engaged.
" Your bloke said you are into Permaculture " 'OH! Yes, have you heard of it?'
"Isn't that where you try to get the most out of the environment for as little work as possible" Hmm! Sort of!
" Sounds like every capitalist dream; be more sustainable to take as little out off the environment as but as much in as possible"
Then I abruptly walked away. Within a few metres I was chastising myself, 'what a way to flirt with a new female on the block, what a way to insult neighbours. So once back at the caravan I grabbed an organic bottle of port and returned to make amends. However she was gone so I made my apologies to he and left the port.
A year or so on and I have cause to visit them.
Even the simplest most common meaning evokes trhe notion of control. Parenting is the administration of children. Not a pleasant thing to do, though it can be enjoyed. For example taking children on holiday when they are bored.
All to often parents like to administer mopre than theoir own children, hence schools, religions and governments. Although being a parent isn't an essential course to undertake to be a controler it is a great mover and sadly parenting for a the best part of a couple of decades leaves it's mark on the parent. Moreso if there is more than one child and parenting goes on for decades, more so for a single parent where it is difficult to get a break.
Ther outcome is that the parent often cannot stop and wants to admisister even once the children have left home. Such a parent is likely to seek groups to join, where admistration is a foregone acceptable mechanism. Joining campaigns, samll tyo beging with, with the possibilty of going up the heirachy and become a named administrator.
Feeding people and generally helping is the most easy to undertake as it seems the admistartion is for anothers well being, as no doubt was the argument withg parenting.
I've make a lot of sad choices in my life
and most of them are friends, and all of them are mad.
And so as not to buck to buck the trend
I made another in being here with you.
Life's not want it's made out to be
nor is life the word to use at all my dears
it's a consumer game that costs so clear
and killing without tears.
Hey! never mind the joyfull tones
warm words that lift your heart
sweet thinking is just the trick
to keep you playing the part
That art where each of us can be
whatere we choose
to fight to win yet maybe loose
or not to choose at all
For what choice is made can only be
a passing leaf or tree
and once it's made a neverending stream
of coloured waters spew.
These prancing thoughts all rightly flowing
to the one and only see
that waits so patiently past shore
to welcome death and thee
here below the waves now sunk
above I clearly see
that all my life till now has been
the very death of me.
For taking that which is not mine
is bound to end in shame
a game some time ago
I'd decided not to play.
And so my friends, my enemies
I wish you well of course
and hope you too can see
which ever way you choose to take
it's one you never had to make.