When I was very young I wanted to understand my surroundings and chemistry and atomic physics seemed a way of understanding. There were things I didn't like, like fruit and veg, the girls I lke going out with my bet friends. A bit later i added being bullied.

Much later after running away from home I fell in with a groupof hippies. What with my firt foray into LSD I bcame a bit paranoid but overll the hippies were a good bunch of people and that led me to question myself, I was not so good. Once I had this idea of goodness the heirachy became ever more evident, but soon i was recoiling from the companionship of god and angels and evn renounced the shroud of the bodisatva.

What was all too evident now was the coruptuon of those seeking to climb the heirachial ladder and all that I have in mind since is to get off and keep away from the path. Easier said than done I note.

One of the hurdles is my weakness and hence need for others, so I sucmb to their power and in turn exert what power I can muster over those less fortunate tham I. Embeded in this is the idea that equality may be future goal acheived not by ensuring every creature has the same awesome power to control and consmue as those at the top, but by bringing the power back to the masses. After all do not those who reap great benefits do so at the expense of and from the labour of those that actually work.

But with renewed insight into my own weakness and tendency to be complicit in exploitation of the weak the only logical course is to leave the pyramid by the bottom, to move sideways away from the masses. This requires a will to manage my own afairs, grow my own food and keep warm. Although this canot be done with any purity that does not mean I am unablke to acheive some measurable freedom. Freedom not form the heirachy, which can stay as long as those who support it need it, but freedom from my own feeling of unchalenged complicitness in everthing think say and do.

I am still very weak and physically grow more so with passing seasons, yet my increasing comfort is that I no longer care about the greater good or evil, the fight to climb or demolish the pyramid to reach the all seeing eye. For when autmun and spring leaves are more vibrant than memories and dreams, it becomes clear that the space to be is between the worlds of time.