A person has no rights over anyone else, not even a parent over a child.

A pregnant woman has rights over her own body and the internal child is subjected at all times to the mother's will, the father has no such impact. The unborn child's rights are acknowledge in that it cannot be legitimately killed after 24 weeks without extenuating circumstances agreed purely between the mother and obstetrician etc.

Once the child is born it's own rights are paramount and although the mother usually exerts a huge influence, especially through breast-feeding such an action does not give the mother rights over the child.

Each parents influence arises only through care, shelter, feeding and overall protection. Where a woman chooses to breastfeed and keep the child close there develops a strong attachment on both parties, the father is unlikely to be able to develop such bond for many years, if at all.

However the terms, 'mother' and 'father' do not relate to an innate difference other than the deposition of the sperm and the culture of the egg and even that is under change with the notion of a child being nurtured in an artificial womb.

The problem is really one of parenthood where the female has the advantage of a close relationship with the child. Some fathers will not have a problem with that if they have a cultural mind to continue the sexist divide. I am not one of those and have a huge problem with such an imbalance.

The problems I was to face were not evident in making love nor was the depth of my frustration clear for many years. I am sure I acted as a deprived and spoilt child without acknowledging my frustration, anger and fear.

I know full well how upsetting it can be not be in control of the relationship with the mother and child.

Thoughts from 26th July

A child's rights can be enforced by law and takes precedence over parental rights. As such neither parent has the privilege to abort a pregnancy without lawful permission.

The mother of the child is the only parent that can instigate an abortion, the father has no such authority and the father's opinion is only relevant should the mother ask for it. A bit like birthing and midwifery - although the father, partner or friend may assist the mother in decision making and practical support, they have no standing in advising or persuasion.

Where the father initiates a call for an abortion he losses the privilege of being a parent. The mother may see the father as an asset and indulge their support. There is no requirement to enter the name of the father on the birth certificate and in light of Tuai's desire for the child not to exist I would keep his name off. It can be added later should it be considered in the best interest of the child